The Long, Long Wait

 I'm hopping in the TARDIS again today, to take me back to August 2010.  Want to come along?  Keep reading, then...

I ended July with a party, and started August with a party.  Well, sort of a party.  Aleithia had discovered that a Youth theatre group was doing 'You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown' at the Lemon Tree as part of the Aberdeen International Youth Festival.  A group of us decided to go, including Lynch, who had never seen the show before.  It was a big hit with all of us.  What's not to love about it, honestly?  I even dressed the part as Lucy, because my sister always told me growing up that I was just like her.  I can see *some* similarities, if I'm honest, and not all of them always flattering... but I still see myself more as a Charlie Brown, though I do have both some Linus and Lucy tendencies.  I'll just leave it at that. 

The next day, 2 August, was a momentus one for me.  Lynch agreed to be my offical photographer, and I'm so glad!  Otherwise I wouldn't have the awesome evidence of the day I submitted my thesis!  You can see those photos, as well as others from the month, here.  I started out by going to her office, the attic one, and using Joe's computer to use the university's printer to make the two copies I needed for my readers.  I took them to the library to be soft-bound, and then had about half an hour to wait before I could turn them in.  Lynch was ready for a break from her own thesis work, and the weather was nice, so we went for a wee ramble around the area-- through Cruickshank Gardens, around Seaton Park and St Machar drive, and back up to the uni.  By that time, it was time!  I went back to the library and the copy centre to pick up my now-bound theses, and Lynch accompanied me to Registry.  Now, usually anything that required a visit to Registry was sure to be an absolute nightmare.  I was expecting a nightmare, and instead got a delight!  After waiting in the queue, the lady in the window was not only helpful (and seemed to know what she was doing, which was a surprise, given other experiences there), but she was friendly!  That just never happens.  She congratulated me, and wished me luck on my viva.  I couldn't quite figure out where they'd found this person, but she must not have been a regular.  Still, it was nice... and I was done with the big part!  Lynch took pictures for me, and sang me a thesis-submitting song (to the tune of 'Happiness', from 'Charlie Brown'), and we went back to her office for coffee and chocolate and celebrations!  Jay even stopped by, bearing gifts in the form of a tube of Smarties for me (who was the smartie of the day, obviously).  It was great!  After Lynch finished her work for the day, I went with her back to her hoose, where we ate fish 'n chips (I think) and drank wine (I'm sure).  It was great to spend the day with her, celebrating finally being so close to being done.  Thanks, Lynch, for making it a fantastic day! 

The rest of the month was full of fare-thee-wells and waiting.  Both RitaB and Aleithia were leaving soon, and we had some get togethers to send them off.  I helped Aleithia move flats just a few weeks before she left, which was wonderful for her, I'm sure.  Not me helping, the need to move.  Anyway.  RitaB also threw a big party, where we all ate food and sat around talking, trying not to be sad about the impending goodbyes.  I also spent the last evening she was in town, trying to help her pack all she could into the allotted one checked bag, and taking home with me all the stuff she couldn't, in order to redistribute it to people who might want or need it.  Except for her beloved sleeping bag, which I ended up bringing home to reunite with her.  But that's another story.  RitaB had wanted to go to Slains Castle before she left, and we finally found a day that had nice enough weather to make the trek from the Bullers of Buchan down to Slains and into Cruden Bay.  I had done that hike with Barb a few years ago, and it is seriously one of my favourite places in all of Scotland.  I love it, and so I was quite happy to go with RitaB.  We hiked around the cliffs, took lots of pictures, and enjoyed all that the northeast of Scotland has to offer.  We didn't even get rained on that day!  It was glorious, and the photos are here.  It was good to have some fun things going on, because I still didn't know what the heck was going on with my visa, so I was still hopeful that I'd be staying in Scotland-- and I'm never happy with saying good-bye-for-now to friends.  It was hard, but I'd rather have known them and let them go than to not have known them. 

Other than that, I spent my time trying to relax and catch up on stuff (like going to the cinema) that I'd not had time for in a while.  When the weather was nice (and sometimes when it wasn't), I got outside as much as I could.  I always enjoy taking photos, and the flowers were just amazing.  The photos of those, from the summer on campus and in Seaton Park, specifically, are here.  Now that the concentrated thesis work was done, it was both fun and strange to have all my time to myself.  I have never been very good at waiting, though, so I was anxious to just get my viva done already, and be ready to graduate in November. 

Thank goodness Lynch was around to keep me busy, with food and drink and cinema and chats and... oh, just being my friend.  Especially with everyone else leaving...

The Big Finish 2010

 Another trip down memory lane, continuing with the summer of 2010.

After seeing Macca with Paige, I just hung around her wee Alva flat after she left for America for a bit.  It was, again, a good place to do some focussed work and not be distracted by much of anything.  Except the Famous Alva Highland Games, which I already posted about ages ago.  You can read that again here, if you forgot.  The World Cup (football) was going on at the same time, and whereas in January I didn't turn on the tv except to see the New Year's Doctor Who episode (*sob*), this time I had a the matches on (even though I didn't pay that much attention to many of them).  I can't help myself-- I just love national sports.  Club sports, not so much.  Maybe that's why I'm not such a fan of the NFL?  Go figure.

Anyway.  I was quite lucky to get to be in Alva to work, and I worked hard to get ready to submit by the end of the month.  After being robbed (which you can read about here, if you've want to hear the story again), I wasn't sure what I was going to do about finishing-- I had lost my computer, Lynch's loaned computer, and my thumb drive.  Even worse, I'd lost the past three weeks' work, a lot of which was fixing footnotes and other busy work.  Luckily, however, I managed to get a laptop on loan from the university for a couple of weeks.  Generally they hadn't been very helpful with things like offices and information, but this time I lucked out-- they had a laptop that had been returned by a faculty and had not yet been reassigned.  They didn't need it for another three weeks, and I was only going to be gone for just over two.  Yay!  It was a university miracle.  It was an older model and not all that great, but it had wireless internet and Microsoft Office, which were really all I needed.  I gratefully borrowed it, and gratefully returned it.

I got home to Aberdeen and Kenny told me there was good news and bad news, regarding the break-in.  I asked for the bad news first, and found out that the insurance folks weren't going to cover any of my stuff, because they said I was a lodger and should have had my own renter's insurance (even though they had ages before said I wasn't considered a lodger because I wasn't on an official contract...).  That meant I would have to buy a new computer, for which I did not have the funds.  Yikes.  I was not happy.  Luckily, the good news was that Kenny is awesome (which I already knew) and that because the insurance company made him angry by that, he just claimed for his stolen laptop and then gave me the new one.  He had recently bought himself a new one, and the stolen one was the old one, anyway.  So it arrived just a few days after, and I got to finish my thesis on my shiny new Samsung!  Have I mentioned that Kenny is the best?  Because he totally is, and not just for this.  This is only one small example of why he is awesome. 

I had intended to submit before Harry Potter's birthday, but due to the loss of work and having to redo so much annoyingly time-consuming stuff, I ended up finishing in time to submit the first of August.  Or rather, the second, because the first was a Sunday.  But since I was, for all intents and purposes, done, and because I just wanted to, dang it, I had a Harry Potter party!  It was 31 July, his birthday, and in celebration of me being done-- because it was the whole HP controversy that got me started down this thesis road to begin with.  Lynch, RitaB and Aleithia came, and we had fun.  It was a small celebration, but a much-needed one with some of my closest friends.  We had custard cremes (and everyone managed to avoid the canary cremes!), cockroach clusters, chocolate frogs, Gryffindor-coloured cupcakes and rice krispy treats and deviled eggs, and Butterbeer!  Plus some general party food, like cheeses and other goodies.  Basically, we just sat around and ate, but that makes for quite a good party in my book.  And that celebration meant that I was officially done with the major part of the thesis.  Woot. 

You can see all the photos from the month's activities here. 

Acknowledgements

Many of you will have already received this as an email, but I wanted to share it with everyone else who I don't necessary have addresses for.  I passed my viva, with minor corrections-- which means I have a couple of things the examiners want me to do before they say it's officially done.  I have til 1 January to get them done, but they will be done before then.  I'm not sure yet whether or not I'll be able to do the graduation ceremony in November (stupid univeristy contradictory rules), but either way, I'm practically done already.  

Doing a PhD is not something that anyone can really understand, unless you've been through it.  I can't explain what it's like, how horribly difficult a long, long slog it is, with moments of amazement, gratification and joy.  Even being done is not all happiness and light-- but I am proud of myself, and glad to have reached this point.  These are the acknowledgements printed in my thesis, and I want to share them with you.  Please find yourself in their lines, and thank you.  

Acknowledgements

Although I am passionate about this topic, and it has grown largely out of my whole life experiences, it has been the case more often than not that I despaired of ever finishing this thesis. The fact that I have made it to this point means there are several people who deserve recognition of my undying gratitude.

Thank you, God. There is absolutely no way this would ever have happened if it weren't for You. Everything good in it is praise to You; anything not good is down to me.

To the Theologicans, past and present, your support and fellowship on this long, dark road is most appreciated. I can't wait to celebrate with all of you, as well. You know who you are....

Thank you especially to Carolyn, Barb, and Lynch. More than most, you have been exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I have no doubt that you were God-sent to me, and my life would be far less without you in it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

To my friends on both sides of the Atlantic and, indeed, around the globe, thank you for encouragement, conversation, interest in my life and my research, and Facebook fun. Wherever I am, you will always be welcome.

To my family, thank you for your part in making me who I am. That is part of what has brought me to this point. Especially to my sister, Jennifer Balazadeh, thank you for having the two best children in the whole entire world, so that I can be Cool Auntie Amie.

To Brian Brock, my supervisor—thank you for knowing those things I didn't even know I didn't know about the process and the system, for encouraging me in the worst times, and for getting me to this point. If there were times you thought I wouldn't make it, you never said it, and I appreciate that. I thought it enough myself. I know how truly I have been blessed to have a supervisor about whom I have no complaints.

To Kenny Thom, my long-suffering and very gracious flatmate, I would not have made it in Aberdeen for very long if it weren't for you. You have become like family, and have been better to me than I deserve in more ways that I can name, and I owe you far more than I could ever repay. Thank you.

To the families who have taken me in and loved me like family, you have saved my life—or at least my sanity. To the Cornells, the Kelly-Johnstons and the Beckers particularly, you and your children have made my heart glad when everything else felt miserable. Thank you, and I love y'all.

To my church family at Crown Terrace Methodist, thank you for always remembering me, being interested in me, and loving me--whenever I happened to show up.  Thank you for being the friendliest church family ever. 

To the Aberdeen Book Club, over the years-- there were times when you were my only and best social interaction, and I thank you so much for the friendship and the chance to read good books together.  You've helped form me in my years here, both by the books you chose and your time with me.  Thank you. 

To the coffee growers and cafés, the chocolatiers and wineries of the world, thank you. Without you, I would not have made it through.  Zeste, especially, thank you for your customer service with a scowl.  

To all 'my' kiddos—Machias and Semiah, especially—it is largely for you I have done this. I hope it is worth something. You are the best things in my world, and I love you more than I can possibly express.

Finally, to the men in my life who have helped me become the person I am today: Bilbo and Frodo Baggins, Charles Wallace Murray, Will Stanton, Merriman Lyon, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, and, especially, Aslan.

Private--Open Today!

There is a house at the corner of College Bounds and Meston Walk that has a great garden.  It's a private home, and usually the gate is closed.  One day, however, I happened by and the gate was open-- today only!  Come in and look around!  Private Gardens Open to Public Today Only!  Well, you don't have to tell me twice!

It was lovely.  I wandered around, taking photos, and got to talking with the homeowner, who was our working the flower beds.  He was lovely, too, and obviously enjoys his gardens.  They have a great location-- directly across from King's College.  I have recently found out that they rent out the 'servants' quarters' or downstairs to students-- there are seven or so of them, and you have to be interviewed and prove you'll get along with the others in order to be considered.  If you want to live on campus in a gorgeous setting, there is no better place than that.  Want to see?  Here you go.  They start at 180 and go until the wicket gate.  

There have also been plenty of opportunities for me to take pictures of blooming things, which I absolutely love.  Many of them are in that same album, and many of the others are here.  Enjoy!  I sure did.

What Not To Wear?

Right, friends.  I need some help.  What should I wear to my viva?  My sister has told me I dress like a grandma.  Luckily I've got friends with great fashion sense who give me clothes they don't wear often.  So I have choices... I just don't know what goes together, or what goes with me.  So I need your help. 

Here are the options (or mix and match between what I put together, because I can't be bothered to take photos of every single permutation):

 These trousers are a little itchy.  They're linen, but they feel like wool.  And they show off what my grandma always refers to as my 'child-bearing hips'.  She means it as a positive thing.  I think.  I would not wear them with a shirt tucked in like this, though... that was just to show the trousers. 

Those are all the same trousers... just different shirts.  Obviously. 

Please ignore the fact that I'm wearing a green tank that doesn't really go with everything.  I do have different colours, and will match them appropriately to whatever I end up wearing.  I just couldn't be bothered with changing all my undergarments everytime. 

Modelling is obviously not my calling in life. 

I'm not really as mad as I look... the dang cat kept getting in the way and knocking over my camera.  It's not easy to do this all with a self-timer. 

This is a skirt.  A long, slinky, floor-length skirt. 

Yes.  I need to iron half these things.  I just couldn't be bothered doing it first, and besides, the iron and board are in Kenny's room.  So pretend I'm nicely pressed, please.

Same linen trousers as above, but different brown shirt here and below. 

These are fuzzy velvety trousers.  I like them.  They feel nice. 

That skirt is purple.  Like, a very nice plum.  It's lovely, although it doesn't come out so well in these amateurish photos.  That photographer isn't getting a pence for them. 

Clothes sizes crack me up.  This skirt is a 12, and it fits better than some of the 14s and 16s above.  And that's not because they are too big, either.  Weird.

I also have an orange shirt that matches this:

For this and the next dress, I do have sweaters to wear over them.  It's not quite that warm here anymore. 

This is probably my favourite dress I've owned in years.  I love it.  Love it, love it, love it.  But that doesn't mean it's right for this.  I just have to make it an option.  =)

Ignore the jeans;  it's the top I'm adding into the mix.  Cos I like it. 

So.  What's the call?  What should I wear?  And what should I never, ever put on again and find a new home for immediately?  If there is something like that, I need to know it.  I can take it.  Just be nice.  =)

Dear Faithful Readers

Hello?  Anyone out there?  *crickets*

C'mon, y'all.  I can see the three of you.  Hello!  Echo...echo...echo...echo. 

Ha.  I'm such a joker. 

No really. 

Faithful friends and readers, thank you for not giving up on my entirely.  If you are reading this now, you've at least not deleted me from your blogroll.  Thank you for that.  I have had loads of things I've done that I wanted to write about, and loads more things that I *should* write about... but I just haven't had the energy or presence of mind to actually sit down and write.  Maybe it's just a by-product of being done with the thesis-- I have writer's block now.  Better now than then, anyway! 

Anyway.  I just sent out this letter to all my email contacts, so if you're already read it, please feel free to skim or ignore or whatever.  But I just wanted to update everyone on what's going on and what's going off and what's coming up and all that jazz.  So here's the short version of my life right now:

Hi y'all,

I realise that I haven't written an update in years now.  I also realise that I've been very, very remiss in emailing pretty much at all.  For that, I do apologise.  It's not that I don't miss you or think about you or pray for you... it's just that I've been very bad at letting you know that.  Partly I blame writing a PhD thesis.  Partly I blame Facebook (which is where I mostly keep up with people, so if you're on there and want to keep up with me, please find me!).  Partly I blame the time going by faster and faster as I get older so that I hardly notice it's past.  Mostly, though, it's just that I've gotten really bad at taking the time.  I am sorry. 

This note, however, is to let you know that I'm actually finally nearly done with my PhD!  I know, it's been six years.  You can hardly believe it.  Me, neither.  I submitted the monster of 100,000 words (give or take a few) on 2 August, and my viva (defence) is in ten days.  TEN DAYS!!  That's 20 September. Thank goodness it's not the 19th, as that's 'speak like a pirate day'.  I'm betting that would be a little awkward.  ;)  So yup.  A week from Monday at half ten in the morning my time (so the middle of the night for most of y'all), I will meet with two readers-- one from my university and one from another university-- to find out my fate.  I'm nervous, of course.  Who wouldn't be?  But it'll be fine.  I keep telling myself that, anyway.  It'll be fine. 

What happens after that, however, God only knows.  I have hoped to stay in the UK and work for a year or two, and then figure out where I want to go next-- that plan seems to be in some trouble, thanks to the UK bordery agency still not having dealt with my visa extension that I applied for back in April.  Technically now I'm illegal-- but they've had all my documents and application (and my passport, of course....yikes) since then.  I'm not sure if they'll count that against me since it's not my fault or not, so I'm trying to find out whether it will be a total waste of my money to apply for the post-study work visa once the university cuts me loose.  If I haven't heard back from the original visa application by then, that is.  I really want to stay here a while longer... it's home now, after so many years, and I love it.  I have been more myself here than probably any other time or place in my whole life.  I have friends here who are more like family.  I have an unlimited cinema card, and I don't have to have a car.  It fits me, and I'm not ready to leave.  However, I do realise that I might have no choice.  I might get my April visa denied, in which case I won't be able to apply for the other from here.  They might not accept my new application because of the delay in the other, but still would keep the huge application fee.  Financially, it seems safer to just come back to the States... but that's not where my heart is. 

Friends and family, would you please pray with me?  About my viva, that it goes well and I'm not so stressed out that I burst into tears?  Because that isn't unknown.  I know, you're shocked.  I never cry at anything.  =D  And about what happens next, mostly-- not for any specific outcome, but just that I would have a peace about whatever it is that I should do next.  Because right now, I don't have peace about any of my options, for different reasons.  I have no idea what to do next, and I don't feel like I really have 'choices', since so much of what will or won't happen is constrained by things completely out of my control.  I know that God is in control, and that things will work out-- I just don't know how.  And I've been in the dark on this for a loooong time.  I'm really struggling with that now. 

Thank you all so much for your support, love, and prayers over these past few years in Aberdeen.  It has been hard and not always pleasant, but it has also been wonderful and challenging and surprising.  I have learned a lot, about my research, of course, but also about myself.  I can't believe this road is almost over.  I seriously doubted over much of the past two years that this day would ever come.  It felt impossible-- yet here I am.  Thank you for walking it with me, even when you haven't heard from me.  I would love to hear how things are in your world, though, and if there are ways I can be praying for you, please do let me know. 

I'll let you know what happens in ten days.  =D

love,
amie

(not) my office

Liz is very good to me.  She invites me to work with her in her office... at Joe's desk.  He's not there, so he can't complain.  =D

 Being somewhere different is often quite helpful.  I think it's just psychological, but a change of scene brings me a change of focus, or confidence, or something.  I work well in a routine, but I work even better when I occasionally get out of my routine.  The attic office serves that purpose very well.  Plus, it's good to work with a friend who is doing the same thing.  That friend would be Liz, although Harriet is also great for morale:

And Stephen is just so cool:

I know that I couldn't be doing what I'm doing without God-- so having purple sparkly Jesus there is another bonus for keeping me focused:

We are the madwomen in the attic, Liz and me, when we work in the office together.  Good times, I tell ya.

Bwah ha ha ha!  Cackle cackle!  Heh. 

Not a Laughing Matter

(I wrote this for something else, so please forgive the lack of caps.  I know some of you have heard this before from me, but I can't help it.  It's still an issue, and it's still close to my heart.)

i am not all that political.  i am glad to have the freedom to vote and have an opinion, but i don't get very caught up in it all, either locally, nationally or internationally.

i am, however, very opinionated about how people are treated.  especially when it is completely unfair.

i also know that a lot of people will think that this makes me political.  it doesn't.  i'm not anti-anyone-- i'm pro-everyone.  i just think that all people have the right to live and work and love, and to do so in a manner that is not in constant fear or under constant threat.

what made me so mad today was the stupid young undergrads in a class i'm taking notes for.  it's a class on the history of the middle east and all the conflicts there.  i actually am really glad to be in this class.  i have been to israel and the palestinian territories, twice.  i know people who live and work in various parts of the entire region.  i love the history, the culture, the food, the people-- arabs, jews, christians, muslims, all of them.  it is fascinating to me, and i would love to live there some day.  i also took classes in university from a rabbi-- both bible classes and classes on the holocaust.  i am not ignorant of what has been done to jewish people... but neither am i ignorant of what they have done to others.

today in this class, we were talking about the history of the conflict between israelis and palestinians, going back to the 1930s.  it has been a difficult situation for a long time, and neither side is blameless.  for the second half of the class, we watched the first half of a film called 'paradise now' about two young men from nablus, following their journey in becoming suicide bombers.  i don't know how it's going to end yet.

first off, the film is filmed in nablus.  having spent time in the west bank, and really wanting to go back, it actually made me a little homesick, which is funny because it's never been 'home' yet.  also, having spent time there with friends who have family living there, as well as having spent a summer term at hebrew university of jerusalem, i have experienced both sides-- and now i've studied the history of both sides.  this film, seeing these two young men struggle with very limited options, trying to decide what they can do, how they can make a difference for their family, their people, their land... it was heartbreaking.  at many points, i had tears streaming down my face.

and the kids behind me were giggling.  laughing.  ridiculing.  i was furious.  but i just had to sit there.

i want to be clear:  i do not support or approve of violence on either side, whether state sanctioned (israel) or revolutionary (many arabs).  i. do. not. think. violence. solves. anything. or. is. ever. the. answer.  EVER.

that being said, i do understand why many oppressed people around the globe feel that violence is their only option.  i have seen myself what life is like, and how intolerable it can be, when you are the oppressed and occupied people.  one person's terrorist is another's freedom fighter.  israel itself used the very same tactics to claim their statehood-- and are every bit as violent and oppressive towards their arab neighbours as they suffered under the nazis.

how is that fair?  how is that right?  it's not. and it's no laughing matter.

i know that there are no easy solutions, and that violence begets violence, and everyone has claims, and all that.  but i get angry anyway.

The Light Box

After six weeks away, I can tell.  I was sceptical, but it really has helped my SAD this winter.  So I'm glad to get back to it for the rest of the winter.  For those of you who can't really picture what I'm talking about, here you go:

I get to sit for half an hour or an hour, for a total of five hours a week.  I read my book club book, or write letters, or just listen to music.  It's my 'down time', and it's great.  I can make coffee or tea, or bring in my lunch, or whatever I feel like.  And it really has made a difference.  I haven't noticed the darkness having the same effect on my mood (which still isn't great to begin with, so it could have been so much worse...), and I haven't  been as much under the weather (until this last month when I've been away from the light box).

Oh, yes.  I am now a believer.

Snow and Darkness

It snowed in December.  A lot.  It was great!  I loved it.  And I got some photos of it around campus, and even in the Bridge of Don.  Because we had a Darkness Party at Liz's--me and Aleithia and RitaB and Liz, of course.  To celebrate the shortest day. Because what reason is there to complain about the dark?  It was a good party.  As they always are when those girls are involved.  And the snow... and the bus came... and it was great!  The snow pictures weren't taken all on one day, but during the same extended snowfall.  

Autumn in Old Aberdeen

Just what it says on the tin...

It's nice while it lasts... 

Christmas Celebrations in My City

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!  I have been too busy to update much, and this is no exception.  Just thought I'd share a few photos to give you a taste of what my festive season has been like.  More later... but for now, I hope everything is happy and bright, wherever you are!