New Year, New Blog

Instead of doing New Year's Resolutions this year, a friend I met in an Upper Room eRetreat gave me an idea: to pick one word to focus on for the year.  I'd been meaning to get back into blogging for a while;  ever since I left Scotland, I simply felt like my life didn't have anything much worth sharing.  I've put it off and put it off, until this suggestion made me think about what word I'd like to focus on this year, and I felt like it should be... write.

Letters.  Blogs.  Stories.  Articles.  Essays.  Postcards.  Journals.  Whatever it is, this year, I want to get back to my love of words and putting them on paper (or, in this case, on screen).

Will I write every day?  Yes-- just probably not in the same place every day.  I am going to try to have a couple of different blogs here, where I can play around with content.  This one, however, will be my main blog-- but I'll try to repost them here, as well!

The title of the new blog, The Daily New, is meant to evoke two main things: the traditional source of information (the daily newspaper), and the truth that 'The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning...' (Lamentations 3:22-23a).  I need to be reminded of God's great faithfulness every day, especially in the midst of times like the past few years, when I didn't feel there was any mercy or newness.  By writing here regularly, I hope to be able to see better those mercies, even if it only comes out in hindsight, and I'd like to share encouragement with you who are reading to look for God's new mercies daily.

For those of you who already have and do journey with me, thank you.  To those of you who may be new to my adventures, welcome.  May the blessings of God rest fully upon us all as we venture into this new year, and may each day truly be a new beginning.

Just Because You Feel Hopeless...

My friend Jody posted this article a few days ago, and we had a brief exchange about it.  Then that night, in my devotional time, I read this poem by Virginia French, published 15 November, 1941. 

"Our Father Who Art"

We will return, O Lord, before the snows,
When autumn winds have hissed our candles out.
Weary and cold, and whimpering on Your name,
We will come back across the withered field
Of this adventure.  Surely You will wait
A season, while we play a summer game
Of strength and valor, flaunting willow swords,
Challenging the drowsy dragon-fly
To duel upon the long, sweet meadow-grass.
And when the wanton locust hours end,
When winter's beast-eyes, in the bitter dark,
Circle our meadow, --Father, then prepare
The hearth for us, the chastened, briefly brave,
Stumbling across the world to claim Your love. 

Reading it the same day as that article, about how desperately hopeless these current generations feel about everything, how cynical they are about it all-- it just seemed timely.  I sat there and prayed that, somehow, these generations, all these lonely, wandering, hopeless, 'briefly brave' people will come to see that just because you feel hopeless doesn't mean there is no Hope.  That not seeing an answer doesn't mean there isn't an Answer.  That thinking all is lost doesn't mean that you aren't actually already Found, if you'll just stop hiding. 

And that God would work in me to somehow be a part of this invitation Home, even--perhaps especially-- for those who as yet don't see the need or the possibility of it. 

How I Spent My Lenten 40 Days

I meant to write this ages ago, and just never got around to it.  The story of my life right now.  Anyway.  Here's what I did for Lent.

I gave up tv. 

NO, not completely.  That would be akin to emotional suicide, as I need my tv to distract me occasionally and keep me sane.  I did give it up largely, though. I allowed myself one show a day, unless I had gotten a huge amount done on my thesis that day.  And whatever day each week was my 'day off' (usually Saturdays so I could watch the rugby), I allowed myself whatever tv I wanted to watch.  But largely, I gave up watching tv so that I could focus more on my thesis.  Take away my main distraction, and viola!  Or so I thought. 

It did work pretty well, actually.  It's just there's always something to distract me.  If it's not tv, it's stressing over my visa situation.  Or staring off into space.  Or doing housework.  Whatever.  I had hoped that I would have my draft ready-steady-go by Easter... but not quite.  It didn't go to plan that way, but I'm close.  I just get stressed about other things, on top of already being stressed about my thesis, and my focus disappears.  And my motivation disappears.  And my moods drop through the floor.  And my sleeping isn't restful.  And on and on and on. 

And yet, I am making progress.  And I've cut down the number of shows I follow.  ;) 

The other thing I did during Lent was to read a Psalm every morning before I even got out of bed.  I already read my Bible at night as part of my bedtime routine, but adding it in the morning as well has been something new for me.  It's been a good change, though, and I'm going to keep it up.  Just read one a morning, and when I've read all of them, start over.  More time in the Word can't be a bad thing. 

So really, for Lent, instead of giving up things... I added things.  More work on my thesis.  More time reading Scripture.  Other years, I've written a letter a day to friends or families.  Why do I give myself more to do, rather than the traditional 'giving up stuff' for Lent?  Because they way I see it, the purpose of Lent is to prepare my heart for Easter.  To re-evaluate my life, to repent and seek reconciliation, to draw closer to God and others.  So.  If that's the goal, then just giving up chocolate or coffee or whatever isn't necessarily getting me any closer to those goals.  If I do give something up, like fasting during the day, then I should be using the time I would have been eating to pray or read Scripture or something else towards the ultimate goal of preparing for Easter.  When I take something up, like reading Scripture, then I don't feel the need to trade that out for something else. 

This year, because I feel like my thesis is God-inspired and my calling right now, working on it and getting it done is part of my spiritual journey, one way I am yearning to draw closer to God.  Largely because it won't get done if God doesn't work in me, I decided that focusing on it even more specifically than I might normally was the best way I could honour God and prepare myself for Easter.  Did it work?  Yes, I think so.  Even though I didn't quite get finished.  God knows I'm trying.  =)

Methodist Milestone

I am a United Methodist through and through.  It's not just because I've grown up in this denomination all my life (even though I have).  It's not just because I've gone to UM-related college and seminary (although I have).  It's because it's where I find I fit.  I have been involved with other denominations, have thought through the theological and doctrinal issues, and decided that this is my church home.  Any Wesleyan-Arminian traditions are comfortable to me (I was a common-law Wesleyan for most of my time at Asbury, after all), and I don't have any problem worshipping with or serving with those of other denominations.  But for me, the United Methodist Church is home.

Except in Scotland.  Here, I'm just plain Methodist.  And here, for the first time, I'm part of a church that was actually started by and visited by John Wesley himself.  He came to Aberdeen to start the Methodist Society here.  And he visited a couple of times.  How cool is that?!  We even have a big fancy chair in our sanctuary that was made for one of his visits.  It's the John Wesley chair.  =)

This summer, we celebrated the 250th anniversary of Methodism in Aberdeen.  We at Crown Terrace got together with other churches (like the Salvation Army) to celebrate.  We had an 'Ad Hoc Choir' to perform at a special service, celebrating Methodist hymns through the ages.  I practiced with them for three weeks, and thoroughly enjoyed singing alto again, as well as learning some traditional UK hymns.  We even made the world debut of a new hymn, buy a local Methodist scholar, academic, missionary, and all-round amazing man, Andrew Walls.  I have the songs downloaded, but I don't know how to get them here to share them with you.  I'll try to figure it out, but I can't make any promises.  If you come see me, I'll play them for you to have a listen.  =)

We also had a special open-air service in the Castlegate on the Saturday.  It was both an act of celebration for our heritage in Aberdeen, as well as an act of witness to the city.  The Salvation Army band played, we sang hymns, had prayers and our pastor, Ken Morgan, shared a short sermon.  It was a very dreich day (spitting rain, cold, foggy, generally yucky) but I'm so glad I went.  We were a small crowd, but the weather didn't put a damper on our spirits.  After the service, the Salvation Army opened up their cafe to us for free coffee, tea and biscuits so that we could all fellowship together... and thaw out a wee bit.  It was really cool to be there, to stand as a witness for Christ in Aberdeen, and to share fellowship and solidarity with other Methosdists here today and going back 250 years. 

The photos are of Howard Marshall, Paul Ellingworth, the Salvation Army captain, and Ken Morgan.  The following video is probably not much to look at, but I took it to give you a little sense of my hymn-singing life here.  It never fails;  I hear a tune I know and the words are different.  Or, in this case, I see words I know, and then the tune is totally different.  *sigh*  =)



Still.  I love being a Methodist, United or otherwise.  John Wesley is the Man.  =D

Lent In Focus

Mrs4444 over at Half-Past Kissing Time issued an inviation (or laid down a challenge, depending on your point of view) to pay attention this Lent and take a photo of something that represents the themes of the season-- sacrifice, repentence, rebirth. Being in Scotland and working on a PhD feels, a lot of times, like a life of sacrifice (even though I am very glad to be living it!)... and I get discouraged and down easily and often. Stress does that to me. Lent, then, is a good time for me to really pay attention to rebirth, and to the notice all the reminders of new life all around me. It's the end of the long, dark, cold winter days and the beginning of sun and warmth. This time really is full of reminders of the resurrection, and the promise of our resurrection. I don't mind saying that right now, I need all the encouragement and reminders I can get. I haven't been able to take many photos yet of these kinds of things here in Aberdeen, but I do have some favourites from years past, which are always good for my soul. Here are a few (I thought about putting a few words about why I chose these photos, but I decided to just leave them. If you can't figure out why, or you want to know more, please do ask.)...

Christingle

Anyone ever heard of a Christingle?

I sure hadn't, until Sunday evening. They had been advertising a very special evening service at church, and I orginally hadn't planned to go (if I go to an evening service it's usually closer to home)-- but I was intrigued. There was a play, I knew, and I knew most of the people in it, of course. So I braved the dark and cold of the shortest day of the year and turned up at church.

I got excited when the play first started, as it was about the 'littlest angel', and one of my favourite stories growing up was also about a 'littlest angel', and is also a Christmas story. This, however, turned out to be a different story-- but that's okay. It was quite cute, perhaps mainly because I knew the folks in it. =) Anyway, this little angel has been trying for a very long time to win his wings, and so Gabriel gives him one more chance-- to go to earth and help three people. The poor little angel isn't too good at it, really-- although he does manage to help people (Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, and the wise men) without meaning to or realising it. Each time he receives a gift for his help: an orange from Mary; a candle from the shepherd; a red ribbon, four twigs, and exotic fruits from the wise men. He decides to make a gift for Gabriel out of them, and gives it to the head angel at his wing-pinning. Gabriel is impressed, and names the angel Christingle, because he has helped so many people AND because his gift will help many others remember and share the story of the baby King born that night in Bethlehem.

And then we all got Christingles! We were warned to be very careful and not set anyone's hair on fire. We were all very careful, and no one caught on fire. Whew. Here's my Christingle (with the flowers my mom sent. Thanks, mom!):


The orange reminds us of the world-- not perfectly round, because our world is fallen and not perfect, but sweet nevertheless. The ribbon (or in this case, red electrical tape) represents the blood of Christ, born to die for us and our sins in order to draw us back to God. The four twigs represent the four corners of the earth, and reminds us that Jesus came for all people. The fruits remind us of the Fruits of the Spirit. The candle represents Christ, the light of the world, who came to us and for us, so that we may not only walk in His light, but so that we likewise might share His light with others. So we take the Christingle away with us, taking the light into the world.

May the light of Christ shine in your life today, and every day.

Christmas Present Versus Christmas Past

I love this time of year, with all the lights and festivities and mince pies. Mmmmm... mince pies. *drooling*

Sorry. Got a little distracted there. As I was saying, I love this time of year, for many reasons. Aside from mince pies (which are, I think, my favourite UK holiday tradition), one of the things I look forward to the most are the decorations all over the city. Perhaps because it is dark for quite a considerable number of hours a day (much more than it is light each day), Aberdeen goes all out with lights. Not only does it make me happy to have a little more sparkle in the dark winter days, it also reminds me that it was at this time of year, long ago, that wise men followed the light of a star, that shepherds were surrounded by the glorious light of the angels, and that Christ came into the darkness of our world to be the Light of Life for us. It never hurts to be reminded of these things.

Rebekah, Paige and me

A couple of weeks ago, I met friends Paige and Rebekah in town for the Christmas Parade and lighting festivities on Union Street. This is the first year I have gone into town for the actual event itself, and I was looking forward to it. After all, I'd been hearing for weeks that the lights were ALL NEW this year. Woo hoo! Funny, though, because the lights were also ALL NEW my first year here... but nevermind. Anyway. I met the gals in town, and we grabbed a spot to watch the parade and the lights coming on as the parade progressed. It was freezing out, but I had coffee.

My first gingerbread latte of the season, to be precise. All was well.

Until they turned the lights on. This is what we had last year:




Colour and variety, sacred and secular. I loved them. If I had known it would be their last year, I would have taken more photos.

This is what we have this year:





I mean, seriously? It's just a little too tacky, a little too Vegas, a little too disco for my taste. The blue is just too... electric. Or something. I don't mind blue and white lights at Christmas one tiny bit. But these are just not the right blue. And they are all pretty much the same, which is boring. *sigh*

That's not to mention the slightly bizarre parade. This was the best part of it, pretty much:

Okay, not really. It was... different. And I'm glad I went. But my vote goes to the Lights of Christmas Past-- the ones from last year in Aberdeen, yes, but mostly the one born in a manger in Bethlehem. He is the real reason I have joy in my life, this season and every season.

Life. Is. Not. Fair.

I started to call this *It Just Ain't Right, Take Two*, which also would have been appropriate, but this seemed, I don't know, better. Or more right. Something.

Anyway. I know that life is not fair. I know that we can't always get what we want (but sometimes, we do get what we need... which is not the point of this post). I know that missing out on things is character building, and God works in mysterious ways, and blah blah blah. I know all that. But still, it doesn't make things like this easy to swallow.

My sister is lucky. I mean it. This week, she was nearly $1000 lucky. That's pretty dang lucky. Me? I'm not lucky. And it's just not right. I mean, listen to this:

Jen would often forward me recipes from The Pioneer Woman. She's got some good stuff. Check it out, seriously. So one day, I got hooked on her Confessions, especially about her cowboy love story (another case of *life is not fair*, and *where the heck is my cowboy?*, but that's not the story I'm telling right now). I've now been reading her highly addictive blog-- life on the ranch, plus cookery, plus photography, plus whatever else she feels like writing about-- for a few months now. For longer than my sister. She only used some of her recipes, occasionally. It took her a while to start reading the real stuff, as well. So I was there first. Remember that.

Well, two weeks ago, the Pioneer Woman celebrated her two-year blogaversary. She does a load of give-away contests as it is, but she had a boat-load during the blogaversay (my word, not hers). Stuff on each of her four areas. I entered every one. One a day, for a week. But I didn't win. *sigh*

So then last week, she has another give-away on her cooking part. And I enter. Again. Of course. Because I always enter, even though I never win anything. Then I wait. And wait. And wait. For, like, three days. Which is forever, when I'm waiting to see if I've won a fantastic KitchenAide mixer dealie. Forever, I tell ya.

Then, one day, I'm innocently chatting away on Yahoo Messenger with my sister. And I decide to check in on PW and see if there's a winner yet. Lo and behold, there is! I see this:

CONGRATULATIONS, JENNIFER #7880!

I say to myself, self, that's your sister. Even though there are probably hundreds of Jennifers who entered, I just know it. Then I read on, to see Jennifer #7880's entry (the topic was favourite fast food). Not just any Jennifer now-- it's Jennifer B. And I say to myself, self, that's her. It is. I just know it. So I read on, because I can't stop myself, and this Jennifer B. #7880 just loves Mrs. Winner's chicken biscuits, apparently, which she can't get in her neck of the woods. Dang. That settles it. I go back to my IM conversation with my sister, and say

MEAN!! How could you not tell me?

What? She says, all innocent-like. I just tell her to go to PW. Now. Mean.

She's all, like, oh, wow, did I win? Nooooo, I say. Of course not, I say. Sheesh. Mean.

And STILL the excitement from her winning this fantabulous expensive piece of culinary equipment wasn't enough to send her into labour. Oh well. But that's not the point.

The point is, I'm happy for her. Really. I am. But I'm jealous. Not that I could have brought that monster over here, anyway, but... I wanted to win. I never win. At least I get a consolation prize-- her old pistachio green KitchenAide (thanks, Jen!). So that's something. This time. But I am just not the person who wins, who gets things handed to her, who things just work out for. I know that I wouldn't be where I am, doing what I'm doing, or even be the person I am today without God's help. I'm not trying to slight that at all, or say that I've done everything on my own. That's just not true. But I do feel a bit like the labourer who has been working all day long, and then the guys who only worked an hour get the same pay as me. I struggle with that, when I work my bum off and get nothing-- like my financial aid situation, where I applied for everything I could find, and got squat. And other people I know just seem to have money thrown at them. Not literally, of course, but it feels that way. Not just money, but lots of things feel this way to me: jobs, opportunities, even silly contest prizes. Of course I am happy for my friends who get all these great things, and I know that they don't get everything they want, either. But when I see things work out so easily and effortlessly for other people, and never for me, it gets frustrating. I know that God loves me, and that things will work out-- and that the fact that I do have to work for what I feel called to, and what I want, will make me stronger and appreciate it more and all that. That it's not a sign of His favour or disfavour to get or not get these windfalls or whatever you want to call them. I know that. But sometimes, it's hard. It makes me feel... like there must be something wrong with me, with my walk with God, even though I know that is ridiculous. *sigh* I guess we all have things we struggle with, and apparently this is one of mine.

Still, though. Congrats, Jen! I can't wait to use that monster when I get there..... =D

Now You're Speaking My Language...

Before I go on here, I need to say one thing, by way of preface.

Yes, I am hooked on Facebook. Yes, I know that makes me a dork. No, I don't care. I've been a dork for many reasons before now... this is nothing new. =D

Anyway. Here's how this fits in...

I took a quiz on Facebook the other day-- *What's your Love Language?* I know there is a book out there about this, and I've even had discussions with people about it. But I've not read the book, so for all I know my results from Facebook could be totally bogus. It does, however, make good sense to me. The premise is that there are several *personalities* when it comes to how we express love, and what speaks love to us the most. You answer a few questions, and you find out what your particular *love language* is-- things like physical touch, kind words, helping actions... you get the idea. This is supposed to help you and those you love know how best to communicate love in meaningful ways, or something like that. Like I said, I haven't read the book.

My love language is *receiving gifts*.

At first I thought, great. Confirmation for all those people out there who think I'm selfish and greedy. Gimme gimme gimme. Lovely. But when I read the description, I though to myself, *Self, that IS you!* And it's not as negative as it at first sounds. Here's the description:

"Your primary language of love is receiving gifts. Gifts are visual representations to you, either big or small - even a small gesture through a gift can make your day, your week, your year. Not to say that all gifts are good - but sometimes, a small thoughtful gift is worth more than a thousand words."

Now here is a bit of why I think this does describe me. And no, this is not just a ploy to get everyone to send me stuff (even though I do have a birthday coming up.... No! Just kidding! Not about the birthday, about the hint.)

I keep things. Ticket stubs, dried flowers, random bits and pieces from the people, places, and events that have shaped my life. I like to have them around, to remind me of special occasions and special people. I have boxes and boxes of these things, both at home (even though I did pare it down considerable before I moved here... sorry, mom, it's still a load of stuff!) and now here. I am not a packrat for the sake of keeping things... I don't mind throwing stuff away. But not stuff that has meaning or sentimental value. I find that very, very difficult.

I also love giving people things. I'm a poor student, so these days it's generally cheap stuff (like noodles for Nathan, or a toast holder for mom, or Primark pj's for the bubbs). But there is really nothing better for me than finding the Perfect Gift for someone. I love it... even if I'm not there to see them open it. I love gift-giving holidays for this reason, but I equally love surprising someone with something random. It makes my day to share something tangible, to say *I'm thinking about you* with some actual thing that made me think of whoever it might be. I would love to have more money one day, a nice paying job, so I can buy stuff for my friends and family. So it's good to be my friend, you see. =D

And then there's the ultimate: getting a parcel in the post. I have always loved getting mail, ever since I was a kid. I longed to be one of the kids at camp who got called up at mealtime to get their letter or package. I wished all through college and seminary that I would look in my little box in the sub or the SPO and have a notice to collect a package. Now, being here, getting anything in the post is great (even if it's local)... but a parcel from home is the absolute best! It just makes my day-- my week-- my month-- even if it's just peanut butter, or bacon, or a burned cd, or, well, anything! It doesn't really matter what kind of stuff it is, it's just the getting stuff that makes me happy.

Of course, because I also keep things, it makes it hard for me to use the stuff sometimes. Like eating the Girl Scout cookies, or drinking the hot cocoa, or use the nice smelly lotions.... And now that I know what my love language is, this makes perfect sense to me now. I've always felt that it's stupid for me to want to save rather than savour, but I can't help it. Now I don't have to feel stupid about it. I know it's just my love language, and that I should just dig right in to all that stuff. ;)

What is the point in all this, you ask, if not a very elaborate hint that my birthday is coming up? It's not a hint. (Honestly. I love getting things, yes, but at the same time I also feel guilty about it, too. At least in cases like birthdays and graduations and stuff, where it seems like it's just expected-- especially if you have parties or send out invitations-- that people should get you gifts. So please, please, please do not take this as a hint.) No. The point is how happy getting random things in the post makes me. And to say thank you-- to all of you who send me things. Big things, little things, old things, new things, food things, anythings. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Because you're speaking my language. =D


Some things that have made my day lately:

To keep me warm, and remind me of Pulaski... I can't even tell you how excited I was to pull this blanket out of the box! Maggie, you are awesome!

Yum... peanut butter.... *drooling* This is the best stuff. =)


It's probably hard to tell from the photo, but this is a hand-made card from my church family. They made them and sent them on the weekend-away (I didn't go). This is the first time they have done something like this, made some effort outside of Sunday service to say they notice when I'm not there and all. It made me feel really good. =D

So there you have it. If you get some random thing from me-- gifties of little stuff, you never know-- know that's just my way of saying *I love you*.

Is There Really Any Hope For Me?

I am having mixed feelings today....



We had a lunch party in the office today, to celebrate with David, one of our own (he's the very relaxed and happy-looking bloke in the middle of the back row). Last Friday, he had an excellent viva and is now practically done. I am genuinely happy for him; he is a great guy and has worked hard for three and a half years. We actually came in together, and had to suffer through one of those stupid ice-breaker group activities in our beginning orientation. =) So today, we had a feast in his honour: soup, bread and cheese, fruit, couscous salad, peanut butter cookies ala Lorie Cornell (which means double the peanut butter in the recipe), and drinks. Plus, of course, great fellowship and plenty of laughs-- I do have an awesome office, after all. David told us a little bit about his viva, and his plans now... and he told us *If I can do this, anyone can!*

This is where my mixed feelings come in. My first instinct was, *Yeah, right!* I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with feeling stupid, like I won't ever finish this thesis. But even when people like David today say that, I just don't believe it. Lately I have been really struggling with this, and it seems like no matter how much time I put in or how much I try to move forward, I'm just going nowhere. I feel like this will all have been a colossal waste of time and money, and I won't pass even if I get to a point where I have a finished product to turn in. I want to be done around May, but that seems daily more and more impossible. I am stressed about it, which just makes it worse, and I feel like up to this point I've just had everyone fooled-- this is the time when they'll figure out that I'm not as smart as they all think I am.

Yet I know that everyone feels this way; I know that I've been successful in my academic career to this point; I know that my supervisor and friends and family believe in me; I believe that this is where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. Does anyone ever really feel competent enough to do things like this? Does anyone ever feel able enough to do what God calls them to? Not on our own, I am pretty sure. I know that I have gotten this far only by the help and grace of God, and that is the only way I will finish. Talking with friends like David makes me a bit jealous, honestly: I so want to be able to actually see myself reaching the point he has, but I just can't see it. Yet at the same time, it should give me hope that I will reach the end. It's how to reconcile those opposing feelings that's the problem.

Please don't tell me that I can do this because I'm smart and wonderful and I've done it before and blah blah blah. I know all that, I really do. And I know that y'all all believe that, and believe in me. I appreciate that so much. But right now, hearing that is not helpful. What I need is to figure out how to get though, how to keep going even though it feels like an impossibility, how to reconcile what I *know* with what I *feel* or at least how to not let the one make the other seem like a lie. God help me-- I need it!

My Lenten Fast

I've been trying to write this post for about a week now, and it's just not coming together for some reason. So this may be scattered and rambling, but I'm posting it anyway. So there. =P



I am a list-maker by nature. If I don't write it down-- be it groceries or directions or deep thoughts-- I don't really know it. I was a Girl Scout, and must have taken to heart the motto: Be Prepared. I like being prepared. I always pack more than I perhaps should, because you just never know what you might need. I feel much more confident by the time an event rolls around if I have been preparing along the way, and I can actually enjoy myself rather than stress out about it. I think this is why I traditionally like Lent...and Advent, but that's another blog for another time. (If you aren't familiar with what Lent is or how it is observed, you can check it out here.) I like pretty much everything about this season-- the pensive, dark tone of the music, the time set apart to reassess my life and my faith, the practice of *fasting* from something in order to intentionally focus more on God, the preparation spiritually to be really ready to celebrate the resurrection. It appeals to me, this six weeks of getting ready. If you've never observed Lent before, I would encourage you to consider giving it a try-- if not this year, perhaps next year.

While most of what we are supposed to be focusing on during Lent is not outward but inward--the state of our own soul and our relationship with God-- there can be some ways that we can outwardly observer the season, as well. Fasting, in order to focus our thoughts away from the body and to remind us of our dependence on God, and hopefully directing us to spend more time with Him, is one way this has traditionally been done. For nearly ten years, I fasted during the day-light hours as part of my observance of Lent. It was an amazing discipline for me. I have also given up various other things along with it-- red meat (not years I fasted, though!), chocolate, caffeine and coffee, french fries. In the past few years, however, I decided that rather than giving something up I would take something up-- I made it my Lented resolution to write a letter a day to someone I love. There is giving up involved in that-- time; the walls that often distance puts up between people, at least for me; trading my self-sufficiency for vulnerability with others. It is always a great challenge, and a great blessing for me. This year, I am going to try and write letters as well, but I'm aware that one a day may be a higher standard than I can live up to. We'll see.

What I am giving up for the next six weeks, however, are my internet distractions. I will keep up with email and with my blog, but everything else that isn't study related is gone. I have been realising lately how much time I waste playing around online. I love Facebook; several of my friends are on there, and it's been a fun way to keep in touch. But there are so many little games and quizzes and this and that... it's not good for my work. Neither is my online forum of which I am a moderator, and I dearly love. The conversations are always interesting (if not very profound), and as I've been there for more than a year now, it is a community I know and have come to appreciate. But again, I get caught up in chatting there and neglect my studies. There are other places I check out now and then, but those are the major two. For the next six weeks, instead of conversing and playing and spending time there, I hope to instead use the time I'll get back to be, first and foremost, as productive as possible on my thesis. I also hope to have more time to write to the people I miss (email and real letters), to play my flute some for fun, to enjoy some face time with friends here without feeling guilty for not working, keeping up with my journal and devotional time better. I am hoping that, after Easter, I will be able to rejoin my online friends and celebrate with them-- but in a much more responsible (on my part) manner.

So today, I play! And tonight I eat pancakes (it's not Mardi Gras here, but Pancake Tuesday.) I like overindulging on pancakes better, anyway. Tomorrow I start my preparations....

My Celebrity Crush

Considering I'm such a TV addict and cinemaholic, it's bound to happen from time to time. I blame this one on my sister.... Michael Rosenbaum.

My sister has been talking about this guy for about five years now, so really it's her fault I know who he is at all. The first thing I saw him in, at her insistence, was the film *Sorority Boys*-- and he makes a surprisingly pretty girl, in case you were wondering. =) It wasn't a film that was ever going to win any awards, but if you like stupid college humour, then give it a go. I thought it was quite funny, and he apparently has a flair for comedy. Mostly, though, he's know for being the best bad guy around, the one we can't help but hope he'll overcome his demons and become a good guy... he is, of course, Lex Luthor on *Smallville*.

This show has become one of my favourites. I was interested in the show from the beginning-- what's not to like about the premise of seeing the teenage years of a superhero? And I've always been a big Superman fan, growing up with the original films and all. But where I was living at the time, I didn't get the WB... and once I did, I decided I'd wait to see the show from the beginning (even if that meant renting it on DVD eventually) rather than jump into the middle somewhere. I am so glad I did! Last winter, ITV2 started showing it-- from the beginning!-- three nights a week. I was so excited, and was immediately hooked. They showed the first two seasons then, and are back this year with season three-- this time five nights a week! I think this has something to do with my crush, actually... I watch this show more than (almost) any other. I hear that soon it'll turn into *The OC* or *Peyton's Place*, with the focus on sex and not on story... but I've also been told that it gets better if I stick it out. I don't know how many episodes or seasons they are showing this winter, but I'll keep watching as long as it's on. I'm hooked!



Considering I know next to nothing about the guy himself, most of my celebrity crush comes from his portrayal of Lex, I'm sure. He is, for me, the most interesting character on the show in the same way that Snape is the most interesting character in *Harry Potter*. Is it the girl in me that likes the good-looking bad boy? Or the ordinary human who loves getting caught up in the comic-book world? Or the theologian in me that wants him to find redemption? Probably a bit of all three, I'm sure... but I think most of it is the *Snape factor*, as I think of it. He's not a monster, he's not evil, he's not even bad all the time. He's got the deck stacked against him in many ways, and yet he tries to overcome his family, his past, his own faults and tendencies. I have to cheer for him, to hope for him to keep fighting, to long to see him become, in the end, a good guy. Of course, I've seen the films-- I know that he doesn't stay as good as he is now (in season three, remember). He becomes the sworn enemy of Clark/Superman, a criminal genius. And yet... there is always hope for reconciliation, for redemption, for grace. Is it too much to want that, even for Lex?

So, there you have it: proof in writing of what a dork I am. =) Now all I have to do is move to Hollywood.... Ha!

2007: A Review Continued

Academics

It feels like last year has been the most productive for me in terms of actually getting things done. Whether that's actually true or not, it was still nice to actually have a good bit to show for the time I've put in. I *finished* two chapters (of course, they'll need a lot of revising before they are really good to go), and presented my first paper at an academic conference. Yippee!

As far as my chapters go, I am now *done* with my section on parenting. Finally, and thank goodness. I now have four chapters all together, for what will be about 60% of my thesis. The first half of the year I was working on a book by a Roman Catholic theologian, Florence Caffrey Bourg. Her book, Where Two Or Three Are Gathered, deals with the doctrine of domestic church-- the idea that a person's family not only can be but should be a small version of the church, and the place where all members (especially children) can best come to know Christ and learn how to live lives of faith. This is done by learning to see Christ in everyday, *ordinary* events, and of learning to better love and serve Christ through any and every thing we do. Needless to say, I really like this view. =) So I've now added a chapter on Bourg and domestic church to my previous two on Barth and Hauerwas. That was the first chapter for this year, and let me tell you, it was like pulling teeth to get it written, even though I actually enjoyed the concept of domestic church. It didn't much help that I had to get it finished before I could write the paper for my conference presentation... it was down to the wire, but I got there. And it was okay, at least for now.

The conference was the Scottish Theology Postgraduate Conference, which met for a day here in Aberdeen in July. My paper was a short pre-chapter version of what turned into my latest chapter-- I took my three theologians and put their different emphases and views together to make my own picture of Christian parenting. Three chapters of 15-20,000 words each, condensed into 8 pages, or 20 minutes. I was nervous, both about the content as well as the presentation, but it all went better than I expected. There were only about 20 people there, plus Brian (my supervisor), who was the one running the session. Luckily for me, the front row was full of my fellow female *theologicans*. =) That made it much better, to have smiling friendly faces cheering me on. Although it was very nerve-wracking, and I always get terribly nervous, I am sure there will be more chances to perfect my public speaking and share my work in the future... although I hope there aren't too many, ha! =)

Finally, I had to turn my three individual theologian chapters into one big chapter, where I expanded my own thoughts on their approaches to Christian parenting. After having distilled it all into eight pages for the paper, it was actually harder for me to expand it into 30 pages. (I didn't quite make 30, but it was close.) Having dealt with this material for so long, you would think it would have been easy to pull it all together-- it wasn't! I'm still not happy with it, really, and I'll have a heckuva lot of work to do on it before it'll be worth submitting... but it's at least on paper, and a passable work-in-progress. The progress will just have to wait a bit longer; I just couldn't keep going on the parenting stuff any more. It is nice to have that behind me for now. The going back to it will probably be better once I've been away from it for a while (or at least I hope). Besides, it was getting harder and harder to keep thinking and reading and writing in that area-- I feel like an imposter writing on parenting when I don't have children of my own. At times, it gets kind of depressing, as well, since I would like to be married and have children... so I'm glad to be taking a break from that and going back to the literature side of things. That's the part I really love anyway!


Up next... Other University Issues!